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The Emancipator

The “True” Origins of The Emancipator.

The Emancipator first came into the spotlight in 1846.

Supervillain Marko the Mad Farmer outraged over, the then House Representative, Abraham Lincoln’s staunch opposition to jelly beans being added to the food pyramid…

“They are not even really a bean, they are more of a delicious candy.”

…laid in ambush of his carriage as it traveled through the great state of Illinois.

When the trap was sprung, Lincoln’s bodyguards found themselves quickly out matched by Marko and his troop of Bovine Brawlers. Witnesses noted that things truly looked grim for Representative Lincoln as the villains approached his ride. But when they opened the door to his carriage they found not Abraham Lincoln waiting, but a right cross to the chin by a superhero calling himself The Emancipator.

“…looks like I managed to get Mr. Lincoln to safety just in time…”

Their battle was fast and furious but The Mad Farmer and his Bovine Brawlers were no match for the lanky yet powerful pugilist protector. Within minutes he had the entire troop bested, rounded up and delivered into the hands of the local authorities.

As quickly as he had appeared on the scene though The Emancipator disappeared into the crowd that came out to congratulate him.  Even before Representative Lincoln himself, who returned shortly after The Emancipator had left, could express his gratitude.

“…I have a feeling we’ll see him again…”

And see him again they did. The Emancipator made numerous appearances in the years to follow. He made his presence know to the supervillains of his time, most notably:

1847 – Spotted battling the Toad Monsters of Tamyl 9

1849 – His final run in with Dr Chronos and his Time Filchers.

1850 – Defeated the renegade Strongonium™-bot armies of The Metal Machinist.

1852 – Thwarted Gorxal the Unmentionable’s invasion into our dimension.

1855 – Teamed up with a young Mr. Samuel Clemens to defeat Burnicous the Book Burning Daemon of the 8th Dimension.

1859 – Punched out the self proclaimed Super Pope.

1863 – Soothed Robert E Lee’s Ghost Army into returning to their eternal resting place with a 4 minute ditty played on the banjo.

1864 – His first run in with Dr Chronos and his Time Filchers

2342 – (unverified) His second encounter with Dr Chronos and his Time Filchers.

The Emancipator travels to our time.

Up until the evening of April the 14th, few would have guessed that beneath The Emancipator’s domino mask lied Abraham Lincoln, mild mannered 16th President of the United States of America. On that memorable Friday, a series of events occurred which to this day mathematicians will only describe as “highly unlikely”.

While enjoying a quiet evening at the theatre with his wife and friends, Abe found himself rather rudely struck in the back of his head with a Strongonium™ bullet fired by the shape shifting alien assassin – John Wilkes Booth. Unable to pierce The Emancipator’s nigh invulnerable skin, the bullet bounced off the back of his head, smashed through Mary Todd’s brooch – a family heirloom that later tests confirm was Gorxal the Unmentionable’s Brooch of Infinite Entropy – deflected off Major Henry Rathbone’s “good luck” pocket watch – forged from a radioactive piece of meteorite, bequeathed to Henry when his pop died from a mysterious sickness at the ripe old age of 27 – and passed through a mustard bottle – which scientists agree probably had nothing to do with anything, but is still noted for the sake of thoroughness – before traveling back down the barrel of John Wilkes Booth’s gun. Striking the next Strongonium™ bullet in the chamber.

Now as anyone well versed in 8th dimensional physics would be able to attest to at this point, when irradiated Strongonium™ that has been exposed to infinite entropy (and possibly mustard) comes into contact with normal Strongonium™ the result is obvious; a big ole tear is ripped in the time/space continuum.

In a move the exists somewhere between incredibly heroic and monumentally stupid The Emancipator quickly threw himself at the tear and wrenched it closed with his bare hands before it could suck in his friends, loved ones and possibly a large part of the eastern seaboard.

But it was too late for ole Abe. When the dust settled the tear and The Emancipator were gone.

The people of America were shocked devastated by the news that their President and beloved superhero were one in the same and were now both gone.

In the years that followed the true story was blasted across every newspaper. However soon it became obvious that a story such as this was not fit for the history books. Even those like Major Henry Rathbone who witnessed the events had difficulty successfully convincing people what had happened.

“Really!? THAT’S what happened to him!? Are you drunk?”

So the nation got together and decided in the interest of simplicity – and to get everyone to stop laughing at them; especially France – to make up a more reasonable story as to the fate of one President Abraham Lincoln.

Where that story ends a new one began. The Emancipator awoke to find himself flung far into the future, in a strange new world. Although alone and unnerved by the odd sights and sounds of this era, he has taken comfort in dedicating himself to find those who would stand against Truth, Justice, and Equality for all people and take them down.

One right cross to the chin at a time.

  1. BelgiumMan42
    May 31, 2010 at 1:02 pm

    And as Paul Harvey used to say, “And now you know…the REST of the story. Good day!”

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